Tuesday, December 29, 2015


I'm sitting in a coffeehouse, trying not to get sucked into the old vortex of non-events. These are events that take place completely in my mind with little or no bearing on the outside world. I look at a pretty girl, just missing the window of eye contact, looking away as her glance moves toward me.

Now my mind is already starting down the rabbit hole of self-delusion. "If I play my cards right, I could probably strike up a conversation and get her phone number. I'd better not look at any other women in the place and make her jealous." The first thought has become so absurd that, luckily, the second no longer gets any respect from my conscious brain. (I suspect that may also be a symptom of maturity.)

Of course, even if the idea of me striking up a conversation with a strange woman in a public setting weren't ridiculous, worrying about making her jealous by looking at other women would still be absurd. But these are just the kind of mindfucks my brain concocts to keep me (relatively) miserable and alone.

Thankfully, I've gotten better at short-circuiting that mental wiring. Though I'm appalled at how much I still let these imaginary scenarios dictate my moods and actions. It must be one of the pitfalls of living a life of the mind.

No comments:

Post a Comment